The post's title has nothing to do with anything other than my awesome new idea for a name for the swine flu. Seriously, if you're going to scare the shit out of the entire planet you might as well put a little effort into a catchy moniker.
On to more important things:
Dear Michelob Ultra-drinking douchebag (redundant, I know) who sat on the restaurant's patio tonight with his two other douchey friends, thanks for taking both copies of your credit card slip with you, ensuring that not only would I not receive a dime for serving you, but that I would actually have to PAY for you to have delayed my getting home by over an hour. I'm going to move on, but if I happen to see your face on the news within the next few nights with a caption underneath that reads something like "Raleigh man becomes latest fatal victim of swine flu", I might smile a little...on the inside.
And to the couple of who left me $5 on 57, I take back that heartfelt "Thanks. Have a great night" that I laid on you both as you walked out. I hoped briefly that one of the line cooks' pubes somehow wound up in your shrimp and that you'd spend the rest of your weekend hugging your toilet and praying for death...but I'm feeling much more okay about it now and I just hope that you can do a little better next time.
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The typical flu kills about 13,000 people every year. I love how the media makes us go into a frenzy and believe its the end of times every time humankind gets a bug up its butt (no pun intended).
ReplyDeleteAnd on tipping, I can't stand my brother-in-law because he tips like it's 1938. I think restaurants should "bake" the tip in the check amount like they do in other countries. You don't like the service, just don't go back to the restaurant, but to not tip is so uncool. As for my brother in law, I have explained to my sister that if he can't tip appropriately then his butt needs to stay out of restaurants.
Glad to hear you are in school!!
You might want to consider a job in another profession. It appears you are miserable at all times.
ReplyDeleteThen I'm definitely sending the wrong message because I love my job passionately. The accounting degree is only to manage all of the cash I'm already making.
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